one more grain of sand

everyone who writes online sooner or later starts a blog entry with an apology. so i guess its my turn. i hate excuses, so i'll just say it is fully my fault that i haven't written or shown any pictures since JUNE. also PC's suck. just wanted to throw that in there.

well i will very soon be joining the dwight schroot army of champions who use macs. i cannot wait! leopard is fresh and its looking good. mostly i'm excited about 2 things: aperature and ichat (video chatting). and hopefully with a good editing program and computer-web interface i'll have a much cooler and more frequently updated blog. i may just shut this dude down and start from scratch. we'll see. but in any case....

there are so many things to blog about i don't know what to say first. i realized that some of my last pictures were of mini newton, as i like to call him, and 2 weekends ago i saw that little rugrat again! cant wait to post some more current photos as soon as the mac arrives. yep, ben and lindsey came over and hung out at my apt, spent the night, and lindsey ran in the columbus half marathon and newt and i took sam on his first bike ride.

anyways, change of idea,

Jack Johnson song:

"if i could"
a brand new baby was born yesterday, just in time.
papa cried, baby cried, see his tears are like mine
heard some words from a friend on the phone
didn't sound so good
the doctor gave him two weeks to live
i'd give him more, if i could.

down the middle drops one more grain of sand
they say that new life makes losing life easier to understand
words are kind, they help ease the mind,
i miss my old friend
well if you gotta go just leave a piece of your soul
one goes out, one comes in.

so two important things happened in my life today. one of my patients died this morning. those of you who know me know that i'm a resident in the ICU at a hospital in ohio. i'm purposefully keeping this vague, for the protection of the patient, but suffice it to say that this has been for me a month long battle for his life. not just me of course, a great number of people have been working very hard to keep this man alive. the nurses in our unit are outstanding, as are the respiratory, surg, trauma, neuro teams... i could go on, but the point is brilliant hardworking people have been doing everything they could think of for the last 30 days, and yet..... in the end some live and some die. so there is that.

the other important thing. i called my big bro after work and he told me that i'm gonna be an uncle. scott and holly are pregnant! i am so happy for them and proud that i just cannot contain it. so i thought of jack johnson's song immediately. the two events were juxtaposed in my mind, but then i realized for the family of my patient, they saw only one, and for s + h, they also saw only one. they say that when you lose a beloved dog the best thing to do is get a puppy. maybe when someone dies their family should be paired up with another family that's going to have a baby. just an idea, but in any case i think.....

i think that we each need to be reminded as frequently as possible of two things: LIFE'S BREVITY and LIFE'S MIRACLE. neither one tells the whole story: yea, we're alive for now, and yea we're headed for the grave. this day, right now, the one you're using part of to read my blog, is the one you have to live. just do one thing for me, ok? do one thing tomorrow that you've been saving to do just before you die. you know, one of those things people say like "i wish i had told that person how much i respected them" or "i wish i had taken that roadtrip" or "i wish i had spent more time lying on my back looking at clouds" or "i wish i had seen U2 in concert". whatever it is, just do it man. i know its been said before like a million times, but not one of us is promised tomorrow. not you, not me.

if you need to be cheered up after my slightly depressing blog, you should surf on over to jodigirden.blogspot.com for a nice warm bowl of jodicuteness. (yes that's from the office) her latest story rocks absolutely. but seriously i hope it is not depressing for people to read this, but i hope it does spark somebody into action. after all, if we do not act, what will they write on our gravestones?

calculate, prepare, execute

so at the moment my computer is having seizures and will not run any photo viewing or editing software, so unfortunately no photos.

here's the photosets i have in mind to post:

friends in virginia

the parkers visit to norfolk

appalachian hiking with pete, tyler, austin, peter

moving to ohio, with thanks to andy and brian

first day as a doctor

fourth of july

here's a story of something that happened recently:

i found this awesome offroad biking site at Alum Creek state park, it is a great track, with lots of jumps and valleys where you slide down a bank, cross a 1 foot wide bridge, then crank up the other side. also there are fallen logs that you jump over. well my first time riding it, i approached a larger downed tree preparing to jump over it. except, at the last minute, i h e s i t a t e d, decided to lose some speed and take the jump more cautiously. at this moment my front tire froze against the log and my entire momentum went right over the front wheel. i'm sure it would have looked cool from a lateral view, but in my perspective i saw the sky, then the ground, then the sky again, then i felt and heard the metal-plastic snap as my bike landed right on my helmet with about the force that you would use to split a cord of wood with an axe.

there are several things i could take from this experience: one, keep wearing a helmet. it is not the first time it has kept me from being food for worms. two, and i think more importantly, is this: calculate what you must do, prepare, and then execute at full speed! jumping over logs cannot be done tenuously or with reservations, it is like yoda said "do, or do not. there is no try!" so on my second trip over that same jump, i changed my approach and went all-out, knowing that if i wrecked and broke bones at least it would be dramatic. and guess what? i sailed right over the top, with the thrill of beating an opponent that has beat you before. then once i had done it, i found it so easy and natural to jump over other trees. it was just a matter of confidence and committing fully.

starting residency has been fast and furious.... and awesome. its hard, but so far i love it. i've now done 6 shifts at the university hospital emergency room, and tomorrow a.m. i'll start at columbus children's, then the last part of the week myself and my fellow interns will take a two day course in "advanced trauma life support" which i'm looking forward to. (yeah i know i'm a nerd). there's so much more to say about life here in a new city, but i'll let the pictures show you all that.

streets of prague

i spent an afternoon at this one intersection of two cobblestone streets. i was listening to linkin park on my ipod and watching all these people walk by. i'll show you photos later of the people, but here is the place.

one thing i loved about prague is how much everyone walks, and all the bridges over the Vlatava river. i took the metro to Malostranska one rainy night and walked along the river. the sky really was this blue and the wet streets reflected everything.

here's brad kaspar. he's one of my best friends and the only reason that i knew czech republic would be so awesome. brad and i lived together in kay house in college, worked at honey rock for a summer, and have had some great road trips. he moved to czech two and a half years ago and lives on the czech-polish border in cesky tesin. a lot of people mistake him for a czech now because his language is really good and he just looks like one. anyways, suffice it to say brad is unusual: he lives life with more gusto than usual and he cares about knowing god way more than the usual, and i believe he is living a very full life. and brad makes everything more fun than it would otherwise be, because he takes chances and has an attitude of "go for it".

you'll be walking along, a streetcar will whiz by, you'll hear the rock music playing from bakeries and cafes, and in the middle of all these modern signs and sounds, you can look up on the hill and see castles! its so wierd. this one is prazsky hrad, where i think the king/president still lives.

ok, so the photos are finally up for this post... there's some kind of bug in the picassa-blogger transfer.

the newton clan

this is why i'm going to be an emergency pediatrician. his name's sam.

after new york, i headed west to lancaster, PA. if you've ever been there, its basically just like new york city, except way more farms, way fewer people, no subway, and everyone speaks english. or dutch. newton and i have been friends since the summer 'o 2001, when we led campers on wilderness hikes at deerfoot lodge in upstate new york. we both love the outdoors, and have made it a point to get out in the woods at least every couple of years... when life gets crazy, i can go in the woods with a friend like newton and it feels like i've stepped through a portal, outside of time. i sincerely believe that being out in the woods or on the water is central to the human experience, and we become impoverished without it. here's ben, lindsay, and sam, on their guatemalan hammock in the backyard. there is so much joy in their house that you cannot help but be warmed by it.

and here's newton loading up the car for our canoe trip... the canoe is one ben brought from deerfoot, so you know its been through it.

new york city

3 weeks ago I went to new york for the first time. i was really impressed by the subway system. i don't know who first thought of moving the people around underneath the streets of a city, but its just brilliant. it was friday night when i arrived in queens, where my friend amit lives, and i jumped on the purple line, following it by stadiums, apartments, fields, throught a tunnel, and into manhattan. there were 3 kids, i think siblings, on the train coming home from baseball practice. there were people coming from work, or going to work, or going to meet friends... and we're all here, together, in the train.

amit is an emergency physician at a hospital in flushing, (the most ethnically diverse zip code in the US) and a great guide who made my time in new york richer. on saturday we went all over the place, riding in the chinatown shuttle, the metro, and yes, a crazy taxi that almost made me throw up. here we are underground at astor place, amit perusing the New York Times.

living in the desert

i was surprised that in a place so dry and barren, life found a way to survive. also, when something dies in the desert, its skeleton decomposes very slowly, so you end up with these skeletons of plants and animals scattered among the the living.

the reason i went to the desert is to hang out with my friend brent at his family's house in scotsdale, AZ. many people do not know this, but brent has been riding motorcycles and dirtbikes since he was a tyke. but for me, it was the first time. obviously that is brent in the picture. i didn't manage any tricks, but i did fall off the bike a few times.

we had some great drives and some great conversations out on the highways in the desert. if you ever get a chance to hang with brent in AZ, go for it! you will not regret it.

just a scratch.

rain on christmas

christmas day, 2006, the rain poured down on ocala, florida

water and leaves on the glass of my accord

trauma: walking the line

for those of you i haven't talked to this month, i've just finished a rotation on the trauma service at our hospital. i truly loved it, felt so alive in this room, so buzzed. some thoughts on trauma:it is the #1 killer of people between the ages of 1 and 44 in america.
this is where they bring the broken, bloodied, beat up, crashed, and shot.
and we do everything we know to fix them up.
there is a line, sometimes narrow, between life and death.
as the trauma team, it is our duty and our priviledge
to take our patients by the hands, and lead them along this line,
no matter what happened, no matter whose fault,
no matter what time of the day or night. no matter what.

some of our patients lived this month, some died,
some will never walk again, some will never talk again, and some will.
it's not fair, it's life. it's the way it is.

light, water, and just being there

the movement of water has the power to still the raging mind, but requires the time to

l i s t e n a n d w a t c h.

this leaf was hovering above the lake in ohio in mid-october. it is now rapidly becoming soil, i am sure. things die, and we keep on living. photography is a matter of now-you-see-it-now-you-don't. "here i am" says the light, "catch me if you can." i think that 90% of photography is just showing up, and opening your eyes.

one of the fascinating things about water is its ability to be either a lens or a mirror, depending on your angle of approach. here the murky lakewater mirrors the rich blue sky above.

comment: At 1:54 AM, Bethuel said...

photography... the mind of a philosopher, the heart of a musician, the soul of a poet, and the eyes of an artist.

fare thee well, old friend

3 1/2 years ago I had to sell my first automobile, a dark blue 1990 toyota truck. i nearly shed tears thinking about that wonderful truck, which my friend paul called "the icebox" because the AC worked so well and i'll admit i kept it about 45 degrees in there. now i am having a similar experience, as i say goodbye to my trusty camera, the sony f828. i am selling this one and replacing it with sony's new DSLR, "the alpha". word's cannot describe how much i appreciate the 'ol 828, its metal rings, macro setting, tilt body, 2.o-4.5 aperature, 28-200mm focal length, comfortable grip, and sleek design. but times change, and so must i, but not without saying thank you to the camera that brought me to where i am today.

 

bro trip 2006

for those of you who don't know me, scott is my big brother. he was married to holly last weekend. the week before his wedding, we drove up to a lake in rural iowa for an extended bachelor party. unlike the traditional bach party, we spent our time biking, shooting each other with paintball guns, watching mission impossible, braveheart, bourne supremacy, and of course, making fire. this is the firepit where we were last thursday night for a ceremony of last rites. (reflections on scott)
is this picture not hot?
here is myself with scott just before we "ran the gauntlet". the game was this: two of us had to ride bikes down the road while being ambushed by two gunmen in the woods, one at ground level and one in the "snipers nest" above. it was a total rush.
here is the crew at scotts bach party, minus matthew who was driving in that night.

 

flowers of dewali

siberian sunfolower growing in front of my apartment. according to the seed packet, these plants will reach a height of 12 feet. this one was about 7.
this is my friend swetha, who invited me to a festival of dewali at old dominion university. it was really cool. i was impressed by the amazing indian dances, both traditional and modern, and by the sarees. dewali, i learned, is among other things a celebration of light. i'm not a physicist, but as i understand it color is the name we give to certain wavelengths of light. it is interesting that of the entire spectrum of elecromagnetic radiation, our eyes can detect and differentiate only a small portion of those waves, what we call the visible spectrum, or ROYGBIV (red orange yellow green blue indigo violet). in any case, here is a vibrant green/blue saree above, with rich reds, violets, and blues below.
since going to dewali i've noticed that most of the clothes virginians wear is so muted. the colors are out there, why aren't we wearing them?

 

CAMP

A couple of weekends ago the high schoolers from Lighthouse went down to north carolina to a place called camp kahl on the pamilco sound. my friends pete and emily and myself and the other youth leaders go with to facilitate reflection and spiritual growth. as pete and i were talking about on the way back, these weekends end up being a time of growth for us probably as much as our little brothers and sisters. and we shot trap (shotguns + clay pigeons!) and went swimming and it was a blast. here are photos i took during "solo" reflection time on saturday morning. austin, peter, jesse
natalie
david

 

october ski

jodi took this photo, and we instantly fell in love with it. the unusual focal point in the foreground, far from detracting, adds depth and interest to the photograph. that's me in the background.the position of the hands is what drew me to take this photo. this is jodi taking a picture of me taking a picture of her taking a picture of me taking a picture of her taking a picture of me taking a picture of her. ok you get it.
this insanse person is matthew, who is not only making the perfect slalom turn in this shot, but doing so in almost glacial water.